Bandaids

Why do the bandaids always come off after an hour or two. They should make the bandaid glue a little stickier. I am trying to type after having butchered my finger tips thru cooking dinner nightly. I bought these extra sharp victorinox knives. This is what I get for cooking dinner. Gordon Ramsey I am not. But I still made a mean steak sandwich last nite. Even M's son who is exceptionally fussy ate it all.

I wish, I wish...

I have been a little negligent with posting lately, to anyone out there who actually reads my blog. I have been busy with trying to get the organization of my grampa's transition to a residential care facility happening as soon as possible, as my mom has been too stressed with everything to be able to concentrate on dealing with the facility where he was released from who were supposed to be helping to organise a new placement. It's definetely a nightmare i tells ya. Here's my advice, if you are ever planning on becoming aged and incapacitated, start planning and applying to nursing homes now. Joke. About the planning to be incapacitated. Not about starting to apply to nursing homes or care facilities.

Hmmm. But enough about that. I have every day and night to stress about that.

I have discovered a new vice. Its called the Snickers Bar with The Lot. Tasty. I am over my chocy covered turkish delite. Like I said before, I am my own enemy.

But still trying to go to the gym as well. Haven't gone this week yet, as was sick for two days with a horrid migraine and feeling soooo tired. The two nights I couldn't sleep due to stressing out mite have something to do with it. Maybe.

I wish everything would just work out.

Weekend.

Mixed feelings about my weekend. Helped my mom to sort out some things for my grampa, yet they are very far away from getting done. The Aged Care system is a shambles. Much like the mental health system really.

But, moving on.

My last week at work. Trying to make it as productive as possible so I leave on a good note. I hate leaving on a bad note.

Makes me a little sad, as I have invested quite a bit, emotionally into this role.

But, life goes on.

AAAAAH!!! Save me!

OMG! I just ate about 8-9 little chocolate covered turkish delites from a 12 pack sampler bag. Yikes. I have looked at the calories on the bag and each treat equal to 57 calories, while the whole bag equals to 382 calories. Hmmm. I am going to the gym after work.

So be it.

So, I have handed in my notice letter and am leaving in two weeks time. Hopefully onto bigger and better things, and to try and help out my mom a bit with our sick grampa in the meantime.

I am sad to leave this workplace, despite everything. I hate letting people down. This was also the reason for not leaving my last job, because I knew they didnt have anyone else to take up the slack and do my workload. And like I mentioned before, they have a lot of difficulty hiring into this field.

But what can you do, life must go on. I think I will take this chance to re-evaluate my life and see if there is anything I am really passionate about. (Well, I know what I am really passionate about, its medicine, but with a 9 hour GAMSAT exam and 12+ years of study I don't think M will be happy for me to do that. And I'm not so sure about working 30 hours a day for the first 5-7 years of my career either. I like 9-5 work. Call me lazy, but I enjoy spending time with may family and friends, and I don't want to have a job that will force me to sacrifice this.)

Hmmm, if I stayed in international law, which is what I was accepted into straight after high school, I would have graduated by now. But I dropped out because I wanted to be different and do something more exciting. But I guess that, also, is hardly a nine to five job.

Altho lately my current position has not been nine to five either, more like nine to eight pm. HA!

Evil Blogger!!

This is driving me insane. I just wrote a huge post on Blogger and pressed Publich Post and instead of publishing it erased my whole post! I should learn to type it up in Word so at least if publishing erases it, I still have a copy and don't have to re-type it all up.

GRRRR!!!

Till the bitter end. Or is it just me.

I have made up my mind now. I have decided to hand in my resignation tonight. Send my boss my notice letter. For the past couple of weeks now I have struggled to work as more and more work has been asssigned to me. And now he has informed me that I should learn to juggle things more efficiently as he will be adding even MORE work to my load. Looks like in that case I would need to work 12 hours days minimum. If anything, that did it for me. M already complains I don't have time for a life with this work. And you know the ironic thing. At my age??!! Once my boss told me taht when he was my age, all he was concerned with was partying, travelling, getting drunk and going out. That he only had one pair of shoes or something but didn't care and didn't want to settle down into a job or relationship. And isn't it ironic that I, at this age, am up to my neck in working for him and don't get hardly any spare time, and he has lost the knowledge and memories of what it's like to be this age and how much it sucks when somebody constantly makes you feel like crap when all you do is try your hardest, and you have no time to acually live your life most of the time??! Hardy har har.

This is placing undue pressure on me, my health and my family. I come home crying everynite and feeling like a failure. And everyday it's something new. I'm starting to think that I am a big dumb failure and that my two degrees and my previously high uni scores and previous praise at every job I worked at were all a fluke of some sort. Seriously. I am really regretting having left my old job now. I left it because of the workload being unreasonable ,but now it has started to seem like a holiday at my old job. I was stupid to do that. I was lured in with his promises and thinking that he will be different and wont just dump all the work on me while he is not even at the office but I am, doing work until 9pm.

M has become angrier and angrier as time has gone on for the past few weeks. He knows that I let people take advantage of me and that i don't like to let anyone down. That I always take on all the work and don't complain. After telling me yet again about the crapness of my work, today my boss asked me if I had any issues with what he has said. And I did. A lot of issues. I wanted to tell him how he promised I would be doing other work, specifically in the allied health field in which I trained (instead of some of all of this government Ax work), and how I did exceptionally well at my old job and that they are the bigest national provider of these services having been in business for yonks longer than him and having done loads more work and experience with this field and WOULD probably know what they were talking about. But no, they are wrong, according to him.

So I just sat there once again trying not to cry, and allowing him to bulldoze over me with his criticisms. I have a bad quality which has often led me astray in various situations before. I doubt myself. During exams at uni, I would write the correct answer down in the exam book and then I would get concerned at the speed with which I was able to recall that answer, and think that it couldn't be it. That was too easy, and start to think of an alternative answer. When the first answer was rite all along. As was time and time again proven by the marker's comments "You were rite the firts time, but I couldn't grade you on it as you crossed the first answer out and it was barely legible." So now I still doubt myself, such as when I think of a straight forward answer to his criticisms, I stop myself "No, I must be wrong, just keep your mouth shut and try not to cry, or you will get yelled at worse and for a longer period of time."

You know what I would like to have? A really simple job like data entry or something. Where I don't have to think, just type things up. No responsibility. I have had it with having jobs with immense responsibility for other people and their lives. It sucks. One little thing goes wrong and the whole deal goes feet up.

I am going to hand in my notice, Im sure from what he has told me lately, he will rejoice if anything at my departure.

Despite the fact that the average length of employment in this particular field (note: this is not specific to allied health professions, its unrelated and no allied health expertiseis requried) is between a months and definetely under 12 months for people doing the actual work, rather than supervisors, who supervise.

I'm very sorry if I'm bumming my only few readers out. Please don't go away. Already I feel better having made my/this (discussed above) decision to leave this workplace. I promise I will be cheering up and posting fluff related posts once more very shortly :P

I should be getting back to my work otherwise I will be here til midnight.

PS. Must avoid desire to tell him exactly what I think of him in my notice letter. MUST.

I would like to see them find someone to do what I do.

Yes, it is final. I don't just hate this type of work, but I now also cannot believe how my boss expects me to stay in a shitty, low paying job when all he ever gives me is negative feedback and makes me feel like crap. And the thing is, I know the quality of work is not that bad, not at all. I left my previous job because of all the travelling involved and the workload (which is not at all different to here, by the way, when I was promised differently). I received a lot of praise in my previous workplace, and not just from my previous bosses, but from different people within various government organizations. The were all independent opinions, not influenced by any factors. The general consensus was that I was pretty good at what I did. I was given incentives, rewards and people to train because I knew what I was doing. They did not want me to leave and asked me what they could do to change my mind. But at that stage I was blindedby my current boss's promises of reduced work loads and doing work within my actual profession, rather than the shittywork I have been doing.

The type of work that I do hasn't changed. But I now work for a different employer. I have never in my life received so much negative feedback. I mean I appreciate constructive criticism, but this never seems to end. I am expected to sustain a workload I had at my previous job, as well as a new set of clients and various additional administrative duties. I did not spend 26K on a Masters degree in an Allied Health profession (after my Medical Sc degree) to do administrative tedium. If I wanted to be an office worker I would have gone to Secretarial College. So understandably I am not that good at administrative duties. I respect people who do that for a living, but I should not be expected to do do administrative duties as well, when I already do a full time job and a half. This was not expected in my previous workplace. At this stage I would love a job where all I was expected to do was administative duties.

Let me explain something, the work that I do is not what I went to uni to learn to do. My boss promised me that as time went on, he would phase out a proportion of this work and allow me to do more work within my actual allied health profession. This did not happen. I was given additional work to do ON TOP of this work, which already requires a full time position to perform.

Everyone who has ever worked in this field (for the purposes of this post let's call it GSDC) has left within a very short period of time and never returned. I did not go to uni to work in the GSDC field. But my sense of duty has kept me working because due to the nature of this work there are never enough employees wanting to work in this field. It sucks. It's crap. No one ever comes back after giving it a go. It is a notoriously hard field to lure employees into (after only having existed for just over 2 years). But I did not want to let my company down when there was a lot of work to do and no one to do it. Exactly 7 people have been interviewed for the same position but in a different area of Adelaide. But many of these 7 people have mysteriously found "better job offers" upon learning what kind of work they were expected to do. And the 2 (additional) people that have actually been hired to do the GSDC work have left within a very short timeframe. And this is the thanks I get for slaving my butt off. I am so angry I am sitting at my desk and holding back tears.

Don't get me wrong, I like the work that I actually went to uni to learn to do. But this is not it. I have been made a different promise, and that was the reason I left my old workplace and came to work here. This promise has been warped and twisted and I have been made to feel like THEY are doing ME a favor.

This is not the case. Case in point being that they have not yet been able to hire another person for the different area to do what I do within the past 2+ years, 10 months of which I have been here for. Prior to that they were looking for someone to fill the position I am in now, because the lady that was doing it has left as she could not cope with the nature of the work. And, I stronlgy suspect the nature of my boss's feedback. As did another lady working directly under my boss.

I am sorry about my rant, but this is my blog where I like to express my thoughts, goals, achievements and feelings. And rite now I have been made to feel like I am worthless, and I know I don't deserve this. I have always been praised for my perseverance, loyalty, good nature and quality of work achieved.

I would like to leave, but I know it won't look good on my resume. I also fear unemployment and not being able to pay my bills. I don't like to rely on others, even my hubby. But I will leave if this continues, rite now it's more a matter of when than if. All I ever do is work, and that is what I have always done. I held 3 jobs at the same time during uni. I have never slacked off. Occasionally I spend 20 mins to write a post or answer a friend's email, but I make up for this by helping my boss and doing all the work he throws my way, in addition to my GSDC workload.

I am feeling somewhat fragile rite now.

Cashews

Cashews. Thats what people used to call our boxer, when he was a puppy, even though his actual name was Cassius (Clay). Geddit? Maybe they thought it was Cashews and not Cassius because he was all tan colored and possibly looked like a very hyper cashew?!! Hmmm. don't know. I guess that will always remain a mystery.

I had a request from one commenter to put up some beach pics. I think thats a good idea, altho I will next to get down the beach one of these days. And during the day, as it always seems that I am getting home in the dark after work. And trying to fit in chores during my lunchbreak like running around paying bills and buying groceries. And occasionally the gym after work, in that case we don't get home until close on 8 o'clock. The dinner also doesn't cook itself. Needs to be chopped, prepared, roasted, marinated, sauted and simmered. When did life get so complicated. I remember 4 years ago, when my only concenrs where how to get to the city from the bay after work (I was working behind the bar then), as I didn't yet have my own car (due to all my income getting spent on booze, going out and clothes for the going out :P).

But I don't miss anything that much. Now I have the money and the freedom (most of the time) to actually do what I want (also most of the time but not all the time - husband and boss often stand in the way of my frivolity). Oh well, with money and age comes responsibility.

And now to devise a plan to rescue my new boots which are being held on lay away. Must wear them tonite. Boots oh boots (and shoes) O how I love thee... Hmmmm, I wonder whether it is just me or something that all girls do - when after buying something new and wearing it around my/their partner for the first time - upon his noticing the item - I/they go "Oh this old thing, I had it at the back of the closet for like years now". Hee hee. And manipulating the household budget to fit in a new dress. Now I am becoming an expert at this "I think these steaks will last us until, at least Thursday, and then we can have the left over chicken and it will stretch...hmmm ::::counts on fingers:::: until next pay day. Wooo. That will do. Might just be me though. And I admit. I have an addiction. I love shoes and clothes and must buy them. I am feeding the economy. I will try the 12 step program, but just in case it doesn't work out - can you hold these leather mid calf boots with the fringe along the sides, in tan, until the end of the day, please??? Thank you.

PS. I also love to eat cashews and am eating out of a whole big bag. Somebody take them away from me, please!!!! An am my own enemy.

PPS. I will also try and post some pics of our beloved Chocky.

Getting closer to summer.

Hee hee. Its August. Next month it will be technically spring. Wooooo!! I love summer.