Till the bitter end. Or is it just me.

I have made up my mind now. I have decided to hand in my resignation tonight. Send my boss my notice letter. For the past couple of weeks now I have struggled to work as more and more work has been asssigned to me. And now he has informed me that I should learn to juggle things more efficiently as he will be adding even MORE work to my load. Looks like in that case I would need to work 12 hours days minimum. If anything, that did it for me. M already complains I don't have time for a life with this work. And you know the ironic thing. At my age??!! Once my boss told me taht when he was my age, all he was concerned with was partying, travelling, getting drunk and going out. That he only had one pair of shoes or something but didn't care and didn't want to settle down into a job or relationship. And isn't it ironic that I, at this age, am up to my neck in working for him and don't get hardly any spare time, and he has lost the knowledge and memories of what it's like to be this age and how much it sucks when somebody constantly makes you feel like crap when all you do is try your hardest, and you have no time to acually live your life most of the time??! Hardy har har.

This is placing undue pressure on me, my health and my family. I come home crying everynite and feeling like a failure. And everyday it's something new. I'm starting to think that I am a big dumb failure and that my two degrees and my previously high uni scores and previous praise at every job I worked at were all a fluke of some sort. Seriously. I am really regretting having left my old job now. I left it because of the workload being unreasonable ,but now it has started to seem like a holiday at my old job. I was stupid to do that. I was lured in with his promises and thinking that he will be different and wont just dump all the work on me while he is not even at the office but I am, doing work until 9pm.

M has become angrier and angrier as time has gone on for the past few weeks. He knows that I let people take advantage of me and that i don't like to let anyone down. That I always take on all the work and don't complain. After telling me yet again about the crapness of my work, today my boss asked me if I had any issues with what he has said. And I did. A lot of issues. I wanted to tell him how he promised I would be doing other work, specifically in the allied health field in which I trained (instead of some of all of this government Ax work), and how I did exceptionally well at my old job and that they are the bigest national provider of these services having been in business for yonks longer than him and having done loads more work and experience with this field and WOULD probably know what they were talking about. But no, they are wrong, according to him.

So I just sat there once again trying not to cry, and allowing him to bulldoze over me with his criticisms. I have a bad quality which has often led me astray in various situations before. I doubt myself. During exams at uni, I would write the correct answer down in the exam book and then I would get concerned at the speed with which I was able to recall that answer, and think that it couldn't be it. That was too easy, and start to think of an alternative answer. When the first answer was rite all along. As was time and time again proven by the marker's comments "You were rite the firts time, but I couldn't grade you on it as you crossed the first answer out and it was barely legible." So now I still doubt myself, such as when I think of a straight forward answer to his criticisms, I stop myself "No, I must be wrong, just keep your mouth shut and try not to cry, or you will get yelled at worse and for a longer period of time."

You know what I would like to have? A really simple job like data entry or something. Where I don't have to think, just type things up. No responsibility. I have had it with having jobs with immense responsibility for other people and their lives. It sucks. One little thing goes wrong and the whole deal goes feet up.

I am going to hand in my notice, Im sure from what he has told me lately, he will rejoice if anything at my departure.

Despite the fact that the average length of employment in this particular field (note: this is not specific to allied health professions, its unrelated and no allied health expertiseis requried) is between a months and definetely under 12 months for people doing the actual work, rather than supervisors, who supervise.

I'm very sorry if I'm bumming my only few readers out. Please don't go away. Already I feel better having made my/this (discussed above) decision to leave this workplace. I promise I will be cheering up and posting fluff related posts once more very shortly :P

I should be getting back to my work otherwise I will be here til midnight.

PS. Must avoid desire to tell him exactly what I think of him in my notice letter. MUST.